I wanted to finally make a post of how I do my hair. You ask and you shall receive...

I have had a long struggle with a lot of things about my physical appearance growing up, one of them being my hair. I naturally have very thick, curly hair. It frustrated me when I was younger because I didn't understand how to tame it, or style it, or what exactly to do. Over my college years I began to finally embrace my curly locks and even epitomized them on my t-shirt (SOLD HERE) After much time rocking that style I wanted to experiment and try new things: welcome to the world of lots of heat and chemicals!! Lets say I was not so nice to my hair and very impatient (and cheap) when it came to dying and frying. I cut my own hair, I colored my own hair...even risking it falling out, but through it all I have found how fun it is to experiment.

So coming from the girl who used to cry to her mom about her curly hair that she didn't understand, when I started to get messages about my hair and beauty routine, lets just say I was a bit excited!! Though this is a very simple look that I have been doing for a while, its my go-to. This style adds a little wave and texture which makes it great because IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT! ;)  See, life lessons can also happen when we are talking about hair.

Treat your hair kind and invest well! Experiment and try new things!

erin.

PRODUCTS:

Davines Your Hair Assistant: Blow Dry Primer

Amika Un.Done Texture Spray

This past week I somehow survived a week in a shared hotel room with my mother…as well as an insanely educational experience at The Biggest Loser Resort: Amelia Islands. Im so happy I got to experience this will my Mom. She is such an important pillar of strength for me, and challenging each other this week was an awesome opportunity to bond and learn more about one another.

Though we chat a little bit about our experience above, I wanted to share with you how much it changed my perspective on food, fitness, and my overall outlook on myself and my weight. As you may know, I have struggled with my relationship with food from a very young age; emotional eating, uneducated eating, and even disordered eating. Although I have always been a somewhat active person, I had a warped perception on how to control my weight, since there was so much emphasis in the media about exercise and weight loss. Yes, activity is an incredible way to condition your heart and great aspect of a healthy lifestyle, but food is most important..and the food part was what I was getting all wrong.

Losing 87 lbs was the first time in my life I successfully achieved a weight loss goal through diet and exercise…but then I had to maintain, a skill I had not yet acquired…something I wasn't sure I could be successful at. But luckily enough I was able to be put in a position where I could educate myself on how to keep the results I had worked so hard for.  Here are a few little nuggets of information I took from the experience that you can apply to not only weight loss/weight management but TO YOUR LIFE:
(I am not a registered nutritionist and this is not professional advice. If you are seriously considering changing your lifestyle, please consult a medical professional)

DO IT WITH INTENTION
In food and in exercise, quality is everything. Food wise, I will take more time to look into what I am putting in my body, whether that be reading ingredients more often or listening to what my body needs and feeding it properly. I want my body to work at its highest ability and it can only do that if I give it the right fuel! In this same vein, workouts don't necessarily need to be long and torturous. Though I love a good long run, I can get the most of of my work outs by including weight training and implementing more rest days! At the end of the day, I think it is important to be educated about your choices…just like you do your research to buy a car (or any other significant purchase), know what you are putting inside your body.

2. LISTEN TO MARY WILLETT, “DRINK YOUR WATER!”
I don’t care who you are or what you are doing, you need water! You may not care about your weight and all of these words are crap to you…but guess what? YOU STILL NEED WATER! Hydration is important for all aspects of your body’s function. I know sugary drinks (or artificial sweetened drinks…yes I’m talking to the Diet Soda crowd) are so yummy and awesome, but they can wreck not only your weight management but your bodily functions. Water is important…period.

3. LOVE WHERE YOU ARE AT
Whether you are just starting something new or you are at a fork in the road, be proud of what you are doing and the choices you are making. We commonly get caught up in all the things we could be doing “if we only got to [fill in the blank]…” Looking towards future goals is awesome, but getting so blinded by the stress of what you have to do to get there, can ruin the journey. We all have insecurities about our bodies, our jobs, …um EVERYTHING….but if we want to change something we have to have the courage to implement changes and be proud of the fact that we are starting.

Other than these little tidbits, my mother and I got to share a deeply emotional and vulnerable experience with some incredible people. We laughed, we cried, we got really sore together. The group of men and women we met this week are some warriors: they are teachers, students, cancer survivors, Mothers & Fathers, joke-tellers, goof-balls, Costco addicts but above all, they are people taking time for themselves to change for the positive. Working on something they want to change. There also was a great group of passionate educators who gave us the space to grow, while pushing us enough out of our comfort zone to flourish.

To be honest, I really didn't know what to expect when I went to the the Biggest Loser Resort, but it made me better. While there I kept flashing back to when I was younger and at the doctors office, I was always outside the growth percentile chart. I remember every time I would go to a check up, all I wanted was to be normal and inside the lines. The information I learned about my body and where I am on my journey, made me realize, that even though now I “fit in lines” I always am gonna strive to be something more. I am always going to create more goals, and thats gonna keep me evolving. The Biggest Loser Resort put me back on a positive track. It was incredible, and it reminded me: I can be incredible too.

As I continue this journey of chronicling my life, I can't help but realize how I need to be a lot more open. As I began changing my life both physically and mentally I committed to the idea of being vulnerable. Though being vulnerable and exposed is hard at times I learn the most during these times.

As I assimilated back into the "real world" after my BL experience, I've started to lose the drive that was so passionate right after the finale. I struggle with the idea of having "figured out" my weight loss (and myself), because lets face it, I continue to struggle every single day. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. 

One of those days was yesterday.

Over the course of the day I was just feeling very off and tired to get in a positive mindset. I worked, rode my bicycle through the beautiful city I live in, saw music on the streets of NYC, and hung with friends I hadn't seen in while. It was an incredible day. But as I've learned about myself, even beautiful days like these can be tormented by my brain's inability to turn off my worries: Where is my life going? How am I going to keep this weight off without overly obsessing about it? Do I love myself as much as I should? I struggle EVERY SINGLE DAY. I hope as I work towards committing to this blog, it helps me learn to deal and organize the more important worries from the things I can't change.

My life is moving in the direction I choose to move in. Every step matters. Even the steps I don't want to take.

Obsessing about my weight is a hard concept for me, but if I try to interweave healthy habits into my life, this can be not as difficult as I make it in my head.

Loving myself. Loving ourselves...is only as deep as we want it to be. We must allow ourselves to opening up to the concept that we are worthy of our own love. And that can fulfill us in such a bigger way than anyone else.

But other than these things, I struggled with someone I have hurt in this process of change. Their sadness and anger towards my actions has made me feel helpless. With all of this overwhelming me, I felt out of control...an emotion I hate to feel. Last night while I was out with my friends, trying to deal with all these feelings, I purged.

My eating disorder is still there. Though I struggle with the ideas in my head more often, and less of the actual act, having purged for the first time in a long time I feel ashamed and defeated. I woke up this morning and had breakfast with a best friend and opened up to her about the incident last night. Not hiding, facing it. Although I felt very disgusted with my actions towards my own body, I realized my shame is only what I make of it. Being open about this struggle will help me, and hopefully help others. I need to ask for help and lean on my trusted circle. I am grateful for these friends and family who are always there to support and love me, and help me find out how to love myself as well. But I can also be bare and exposed to those who have been inspired by me too. 

I am not perfect. That is the beauty of this life. This creates an opportunity. My perspective to see that this does not make me a step behind, but a chance to initiate change. There is always something I can work on. I have to make me a priority and work on this. I hope my life is filled with love and joy from others towards me, but also these feelings towards myself and actions to support this belief.

I am looking to seek help and change this behavior. I am okay. I will be okay. But I have to be the priority right now. Me is important. You are important. 

I never thought this would be part of my life. I never thought I would fall to the pressure. I was too proud. But that pride also made me hide. It make me show only the good things, not the demons. Please learn with me how to face the pride and open up about your struggles.

I never opened up, cause no one else did. It made me feel alone. Maybe it makes you feel alone. Please don't feel alone. or if you feel alone, be there with me. Im finding my way everyday. Im finding my way even when I've changed my life and I'm in a better place. I can still get caught up. I can still fall off track. But this is my time to realize quickly when I've gotten off track, be honest about it, and get back on the path I want to be. Once again, it is up to me to recommit...EVERY SINGLE DAY.

If you or someone you know struggles with an eating disorder you can find help and support through RECOVERY WARRIORS

I'm on a bus right now, going home for the weekend and I've been going through pictures and video of the last few months. I can't help but be proud of all that I have accomplished. 

I have changed so much in the past 6 months. I have learned to keep moving forward; to do something everyday for myself, and to put me as the priority. 

The other day I had to fill out a questionnaire and it asked me, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" ...a question like that would usually initiate a full fledged panic attack, but this time it didn't. My perspective has changed and I answered in the most honest way I knew how.

My response?

I don't know where I'll be in 5 years. All I hope is that I am somewhere different than I am now. I am focused on today and what I need to do for this day to make it a success. 

Thinking about the future and the pressure of everything I don't know how to do is overwhelming. I let it overwhelm me in the past a lot. It impeded on making my "today's" successful. I am not worried (as much) about the future anymore because I am here in the present taking one task at a time and checking it off my list. And I can only hope that all those items checked will lead me to bigger tasks to check.

I am strong enough to not be pressured into an answer I don't know. I am strong enough to know what I do know is enough and what I will know is a discovery I will make when I am ready for it.

Here is a little video I just came across of my first performance of "Out of the Darkness" live at The Hotel Cafe the night after The Biggest Loser Finale. (My incredible brother James filmed it.. shout out to James!)  It epitomizes the strength and joy that I have discovered in myself. (sorry that it cuts off before our team building exercise, but I guess we will just leave that as a special part of the night for those that stood in the room)

Thank you for being apart of my journey and watching me bloom. Remember to be patient enough to know you will make the discoveries when you are ready for them, and I am grateful to have had a moment like that. 

I leave you with a moment of inspiration from this video:

"This is life right now! This is what we are doing! WE ARE ALIVE! We've got eyes, we've got brains, we've got hearts, WE'VE GOT BLOOD PUMPING!"

Wow. What a day, I don't feel like doing anything...even the blog I told myself I would start and stay committed to.

This week challenged me emotionally and had me questioning if I was ever going to be doing enough. I was hard on myself and it was easy to fall off the wagon. Feeling hopeless I wasn't holding myself accountable for choices and felt like days were flying by without really getting anything done.

I have to recommit to my new lifestyle everyday. It is hard to break old habits that were always part of my daily routine and stay in an aware mindset that will keep me on track.

Staying motivated when things get overwhelming can sometimes seem impossible. So, I went back and looked at how I have stayed motivated to help you. What I realized is a lot of the time I'm not motivated to start something, but I know how great I'm gonna feel when I finish it. This idea centers around scheduling. Making sure my life is scheduled in a way where I can follow through on my commitments, and show up even when I don't want to. You have to force yourself past the points of "I don't feel like it" because what you learn on the other side is going to be ground breaking. Sometimes you are gonna have to white knuckle it...just do it.

If you want it, you will.

To help you see what is possible, I created the #MotivationChallange this week. Doing one thing everyday for the next 7 days that will help you feel fulfilled! Tag me @erin_willett and show me what you are doing to stay motivated and committed even when you feel like you can't. I'll be right along with you to show you I'm staying motivated as well. Follow my Instagram and see what I'm up to this week!

Your mind is muscle, flex it this week. See what you can do when you think things aren't possible.

Erin.

Here I go again on my own....

I have a camera propped on my dresser, in my room, and I'm letting you in. I have been asked endless questions about life and change on social media and this is my new way of expressing myself to you. Full disclosure: I had a mini panic attack about releasing my introduction to this series yesterday. As much as I am learning to live an honest life filled with happy thoughts and positive moments, I can't help but be human and worry what everyone is thinking of me.

Do I look stupid? Is this stupid? Is this just another worthless Idea?

Then I realize, it will only be "stupid" if I don't follow through. It will only be worthless if I don't put in the work and make it worth something. I am accountable for me. I can only control how I handle myself, and how I react to situations; how I view myself and what I do to be the best version of myself I can be. I also am the person in charge of deciding what "the best version of me" looks like, acts like, and what standards I hold myself to.

The biggest difference I see in myself now is I hold myself accountable. Just like a job that I have to show up to to get paid, I also have a job as Erin to carry out tasks during the day that make Erin better; working out, nourishing my body with whole foods, and following through with my commitments. I do not get "paid" in positive ways in my life if I don't do the work for myself.

Losing weight was one of the first real moments in my life that showed me what can happen if I persevere and hold myself accountable. Excuse my language, but every single fucking day, doing what I had to do to reach my goal. (at the time my goal was to stay on The Biggest Loser Ranch as long as I possibly could. I wanted to take as many tools into my day to day life about food, exercise, and me) But coming home was tough. I wasn't living in a bubble anymore where temptations were just talked about on challenges. THEY WERE REAL.  And they were in front of my face when I walked down the street, when I ran errands, and even just going to the mall. I run into them everyday, every hour, every second. But I have to remember in those moments what my new goal is: to be the best version of me I can be.

These temptations don't just come in food form, they come in commitment form as well. I have plans to head to a spin class or have time carved out to work on music and a friend hits me up to take the day and frolic in the city. It seems so much easier to push my commitments to myself aside and be spontaneous. And moments like these are probably more of what I struggle with. Because working for myself is a 24/7 job, and sometimes the commitments I make to myself are easily excusable because I am the boss and the employee. But if the boss isn't making money, you might as well be an intern. What I'm trying to say is that I have the responsibility to hold myself to my own standards. I have to say, "im sorry, I can't" to a friend, because I have a commitment to another friend...myself. I have to be whole before I try to give anything to anyone. And yes, sometimes things work out and I can conduct my "Erin Appointments" and still have time to frolic in the city with a friend. Finding the balance is key. I am basically learning to right a bike again for the first time. Its about thinking about everything but worrying about nothing at the same time. It doesn't even make sense. But all of these things are up to me: how overwhelming...but truly how cool. This is all up to me. What am I going to do for myself today to be better? What am I going to do today to make myself feel more whole?

What will I decide I need to be today? Someone who is going to skip the sugar and take a hot yoga class and write a blog. And that person is different some days. Sometimes that person is going to have a small cup of ice cream because its the best in the city and I'm going to share it with my boyfriend. But I am in control once again, to find that balance.

Yesterday I was out of balance, and out of wack, worried about what people would think.

People think all the time.

I don't know what they think and never will, so why am I truly worried? Because its easier to worry about them, then focus on myself. Its easier to distract myself with the things I can't control, then give myself the responsibility and full time job to be the best Erin. Erin needs the best employee, and I am her. Erin needs to be the best boss, and you guessed it...I am her as well. I wont get paid with cash money like my bartending gig. (Yes, I work as a bartender and I live with 5 roommates, my life isn't glamorous...more on that some other time) I will get paid in a long, fulfilling life, because I put in the work.

I am worth that. My life is up to me, and I am as valuable as I want to be. 

So I start this journey with you. Here I am with a camera and my thoughts: The stuff I do, the things I like, the moments I struggle with.

erin

My life runs on self expression. I am a goofball, a class clown, an entertainer and an artist. I have used these words to describe who I am. But I have found recently after a big change in my life (losing weight and changing my mind set) that I must put these things into action or else these ways I describe myself are nothing more than words. I want to be a do-er.

I have proven to myself, black and white, that things are possible when I stop making excuses and I just do. Sometimes I don't see the results right away, and that can be frustrating...but it also sometimes just feels good knowing I am truly doing my best to execute the life I want to live.

Through my experience on The Voice and now most recently The Biggest Loser I have inspired people. It blows my mind that people can look up to me, because I, like you, struggle to figure this life out everyday. This is maybe why you connect with me...because I am accessible, I am real...just like you.

So for you and for me, I have decided to finally do something I have wanted to do but continued to make excuses about.

I am going to blog/vlog...share my tools, experiences, "things I like" with you. I am just another person sharing the same shit, but maybe I am a little different and we understand each other a little bit more. Maybe we "speak the same language" and I can help. Maybe I just want to have something I do as a hobby and if no one watches it, its all good cause I'm just having fun recording myself in my bedroom. (that sounded weird...) I have never been the best writer, but my feelings are real which make them valid. I will try to get them out as best I can. I also will be posting videos and staying as consistent as I possible can. Holding myself accountable has been a huge part of this life changing process, and I feel like this is a great way to continue to do that every week.

Anyway, this is my "I'm preparing you for this and I hope you keep an eye out cause its coming" Also, you can comment down below, and if you have an questions or ideas, let me know. I want to know how you are feeling since I have been sharing all of my feelings on reality TV. ( i know, there have been a lot of feelings) You can come check out my blog here on my website every week. I will create posts about products I use, how to deal with real world situations, music I'm listening to...blah blah blah LOTS AND LOTS OF IDEASSSSS

I hope this means a lot to you. I'm proud of myself for putting one foot in front of the other and facing my fears. And if you think this is stupid...cool...but don't come up to me in public and tell me it's stupid, that would just hurt my feelings. Just kidding...do what you want, but buy me a drink afterward. ;)

Here is my promise to you and myself...to be an open book. to be a do-er and share more of myself than ever before.

erin