Just wanted to take a moment to talk about food.

I never really understood how import it was to fuel my body correctly, to listen to what it had to say, and to give it good healthy food to maintain where I am. In this day and age with "Sugar Free" this and "Low Fat" that, we sometimes forget that the simplest things are the best for us. I have learned to base most of my meals around vegetables, filling my plate and not feeling like I'm missing out.  I used to ALWAYS get french fries as a side to EVERYTHING, it added about 500-700 calories to my plate without even thinking. I now love getting a salad or trying new veggies as a side. Yes, sometime I miss my french fries..and I'll have some here an there, but the fun of tasting amazing vegetables that I don't have to feel guilty about (be aware of how they are prepared when you are out though) makes me feel great about my choices. Now, let me tell you, I indulge sometimes and I indulge hard but to create balance I take out the guest work of most of my meals. I eat the same things a lot to create this mindful mindlessness. I find "go to's" that are healthy and easy and I use them when I would rather be mindless and grab a burger and fries. My life is crazy, and I'm sure yours is too, but you have to be prepared for the crazy. For me, that's Go Lean Crunch every morning to wake me up and start my day with something a little sweet, or bringing a protein bar in my bag if I need some fuel in the middle of the day.

Being aware and prepared is key.

This past Sunday I conquered the Credit Union Cherry Blossom 10 miler in Washington DC.

I was always inspired by my mother to run. She began her first couch to 5k program during my father's struggle with Pancreatic Cancer. She has always said it was a way for her to have something for herself while being the main caretaker for my Dad. Her running groups through Fleet Feet Gaithersburg has been a supportive community where I have seen her flourish after the passing of my Dad. She would continuously invite me to run and join races but I constantly denied her invitations because I would probably look like an idiot. 

Something about me: I am a very prideful person. I don't like to look weak. Also, my mother and I have a competitive relationship...probably because as I grow older, I realize how similar we really are. Showing up to run with my mom and have a 50-something beat me was not the most ideal situation. She started running when she was in her 50's people!!! She committed! Even at one of the hardest times of her life; because she knew how important she had to make herself. Running kept her focused and on track. Running saved her emotionally from the loss of the love of her life.

When I began to run on the Biggest Loser Ranch it was inspired by my Mom. I wanted to be able to come home and build a stronger bond with her through running. I remember the first time I ran 3 miles, it was during the second week on the ranch, and it took me almost an hour. I felt so exhausted but at the same time accomplished. I began incorporating it into my daily routine and week by week built up my endurance and pace. 

It began to be my sanctuary. The place where I could zone out and file through all my thoughts, my struggles, my strengths, and just be with the person I was becoming. Week after week I just kept running. The fitter I got the more capable I felt. The more committed I was, the better my times became. 

This WAS NOT an overnight process. This IS NOT and overnight process.

So how did I do?

I look forward to my next run and my next race. One foot in front of the other.

p.s. I beat my Mom

I'm on a bus right now, going home for the weekend and I've been going through pictures and video of the last few months. I can't help but be proud of all that I have accomplished. 

I have changed so much in the past 6 months. I have learned to keep moving forward; to do something everyday for myself, and to put me as the priority. 

The other day I had to fill out a questionnaire and it asked me, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" ...a question like that would usually initiate a full fledged panic attack, but this time it didn't. My perspective has changed and I answered in the most honest way I knew how.

My response?

I don't know where I'll be in 5 years. All I hope is that I am somewhere different than I am now. I am focused on today and what I need to do for this day to make it a success. 

Thinking about the future and the pressure of everything I don't know how to do is overwhelming. I let it overwhelm me in the past a lot. It impeded on making my "today's" successful. I am not worried (as much) about the future anymore because I am here in the present taking one task at a time and checking it off my list. And I can only hope that all those items checked will lead me to bigger tasks to check.

I am strong enough to not be pressured into an answer I don't know. I am strong enough to know what I do know is enough and what I will know is a discovery I will make when I am ready for it.

Here is a little video I just came across of my first performance of "Out of the Darkness" live at The Hotel Cafe the night after The Biggest Loser Finale. (My incredible brother James filmed it.. shout out to James!)  It epitomizes the strength and joy that I have discovered in myself. (sorry that it cuts off before our team building exercise, but I guess we will just leave that as a special part of the night for those that stood in the room)

Thank you for being apart of my journey and watching me bloom. Remember to be patient enough to know you will make the discoveries when you are ready for them, and I am grateful to have had a moment like that. 

I leave you with a moment of inspiration from this video:

"This is life right now! This is what we are doing! WE ARE ALIVE! We've got eyes, we've got brains, we've got hearts, WE'VE GOT BLOOD PUMPING!"

Wow. What a day, I don't feel like doing anything...even the blog I told myself I would start and stay committed to.

This week challenged me emotionally and had me questioning if I was ever going to be doing enough. I was hard on myself and it was easy to fall off the wagon. Feeling hopeless I wasn't holding myself accountable for choices and felt like days were flying by without really getting anything done.

I have to recommit to my new lifestyle everyday. It is hard to break old habits that were always part of my daily routine and stay in an aware mindset that will keep me on track.

Staying motivated when things get overwhelming can sometimes seem impossible. So, I went back and looked at how I have stayed motivated to help you. What I realized is a lot of the time I'm not motivated to start something, but I know how great I'm gonna feel when I finish it. This idea centers around scheduling. Making sure my life is scheduled in a way where I can follow through on my commitments, and show up even when I don't want to. You have to force yourself past the points of "I don't feel like it" because what you learn on the other side is going to be ground breaking. Sometimes you are gonna have to white knuckle it...just do it.

If you want it, you will.

To help you see what is possible, I created the #MotivationChallange this week. Doing one thing everyday for the next 7 days that will help you feel fulfilled! Tag me @erin_willett and show me what you are doing to stay motivated and committed even when you feel like you can't. I'll be right along with you to show you I'm staying motivated as well. Follow my Instagram and see what I'm up to this week!

Your mind is muscle, flex it this week. See what you can do when you think things aren't possible.

Erin.

Here I go again on my own....

I have a camera propped on my dresser, in my room, and I'm letting you in. I have been asked endless questions about life and change on social media and this is my new way of expressing myself to you. Full disclosure: I had a mini panic attack about releasing my introduction to this series yesterday. As much as I am learning to live an honest life filled with happy thoughts and positive moments, I can't help but be human and worry what everyone is thinking of me.

Do I look stupid? Is this stupid? Is this just another worthless Idea?

Then I realize, it will only be "stupid" if I don't follow through. It will only be worthless if I don't put in the work and make it worth something. I am accountable for me. I can only control how I handle myself, and how I react to situations; how I view myself and what I do to be the best version of myself I can be. I also am the person in charge of deciding what "the best version of me" looks like, acts like, and what standards I hold myself to.

The biggest difference I see in myself now is I hold myself accountable. Just like a job that I have to show up to to get paid, I also have a job as Erin to carry out tasks during the day that make Erin better; working out, nourishing my body with whole foods, and following through with my commitments. I do not get "paid" in positive ways in my life if I don't do the work for myself.

Losing weight was one of the first real moments in my life that showed me what can happen if I persevere and hold myself accountable. Excuse my language, but every single fucking day, doing what I had to do to reach my goal. (at the time my goal was to stay on The Biggest Loser Ranch as long as I possibly could. I wanted to take as many tools into my day to day life about food, exercise, and me) But coming home was tough. I wasn't living in a bubble anymore where temptations were just talked about on challenges. THEY WERE REAL.  And they were in front of my face when I walked down the street, when I ran errands, and even just going to the mall. I run into them everyday, every hour, every second. But I have to remember in those moments what my new goal is: to be the best version of me I can be.

These temptations don't just come in food form, they come in commitment form as well. I have plans to head to a spin class or have time carved out to work on music and a friend hits me up to take the day and frolic in the city. It seems so much easier to push my commitments to myself aside and be spontaneous. And moments like these are probably more of what I struggle with. Because working for myself is a 24/7 job, and sometimes the commitments I make to myself are easily excusable because I am the boss and the employee. But if the boss isn't making money, you might as well be an intern. What I'm trying to say is that I have the responsibility to hold myself to my own standards. I have to say, "im sorry, I can't" to a friend, because I have a commitment to another friend...myself. I have to be whole before I try to give anything to anyone. And yes, sometimes things work out and I can conduct my "Erin Appointments" and still have time to frolic in the city with a friend. Finding the balance is key. I am basically learning to right a bike again for the first time. Its about thinking about everything but worrying about nothing at the same time. It doesn't even make sense. But all of these things are up to me: how overwhelming...but truly how cool. This is all up to me. What am I going to do for myself today to be better? What am I going to do today to make myself feel more whole?

What will I decide I need to be today? Someone who is going to skip the sugar and take a hot yoga class and write a blog. And that person is different some days. Sometimes that person is going to have a small cup of ice cream because its the best in the city and I'm going to share it with my boyfriend. But I am in control once again, to find that balance.

Yesterday I was out of balance, and out of wack, worried about what people would think.

People think all the time.

I don't know what they think and never will, so why am I truly worried? Because its easier to worry about them, then focus on myself. Its easier to distract myself with the things I can't control, then give myself the responsibility and full time job to be the best Erin. Erin needs the best employee, and I am her. Erin needs to be the best boss, and you guessed it...I am her as well. I wont get paid with cash money like my bartending gig. (Yes, I work as a bartender and I live with 5 roommates, my life isn't glamorous...more on that some other time) I will get paid in a long, fulfilling life, because I put in the work.

I am worth that. My life is up to me, and I am as valuable as I want to be. 

So I start this journey with you. Here I am with a camera and my thoughts: The stuff I do, the things I like, the moments I struggle with.

erin

My life runs on self expression. I am a goofball, a class clown, an entertainer and an artist. I have used these words to describe who I am. But I have found recently after a big change in my life (losing weight and changing my mind set) that I must put these things into action or else these ways I describe myself are nothing more than words. I want to be a do-er.

I have proven to myself, black and white, that things are possible when I stop making excuses and I just do. Sometimes I don't see the results right away, and that can be frustrating...but it also sometimes just feels good knowing I am truly doing my best to execute the life I want to live.

Through my experience on The Voice and now most recently The Biggest Loser I have inspired people. It blows my mind that people can look up to me, because I, like you, struggle to figure this life out everyday. This is maybe why you connect with me...because I am accessible, I am real...just like you.

So for you and for me, I have decided to finally do something I have wanted to do but continued to make excuses about.

I am going to blog/vlog...share my tools, experiences, "things I like" with you. I am just another person sharing the same shit, but maybe I am a little different and we understand each other a little bit more. Maybe we "speak the same language" and I can help. Maybe I just want to have something I do as a hobby and if no one watches it, its all good cause I'm just having fun recording myself in my bedroom. (that sounded weird...) I have never been the best writer, but my feelings are real which make them valid. I will try to get them out as best I can. I also will be posting videos and staying as consistent as I possible can. Holding myself accountable has been a huge part of this life changing process, and I feel like this is a great way to continue to do that every week.

Anyway, this is my "I'm preparing you for this and I hope you keep an eye out cause its coming" Also, you can comment down below, and if you have an questions or ideas, let me know. I want to know how you are feeling since I have been sharing all of my feelings on reality TV. ( i know, there have been a lot of feelings) You can come check out my blog here on my website every week. I will create posts about products I use, how to deal with real world situations, music I'm listening to...blah blah blah LOTS AND LOTS OF IDEASSSSS

I hope this means a lot to you. I'm proud of myself for putting one foot in front of the other and facing my fears. And if you think this is stupid...cool...but don't come up to me in public and tell me it's stupid, that would just hurt my feelings. Just kidding...do what you want, but buy me a drink afterward. ;)

Here is my promise to you and myself...to be an open book. to be a do-er and share more of myself than ever before.

erin